I used to own three dolphins. I say used to because they're all dead now. Honestly, the first two dying weren't even my fault. I mean, I forgot to feed them. People forget shit all the time, right? The last one dug her own grave. After Chester and Jester (the first two dolphins) died, Fester (the last and only female dolphin) kept giving me bullshit and looking at me weird, so I decided: "Fuck you, you bitch. I'm not obligated to give you these fucking salmon." You can guess what happened after that... If you can't guess then you're a fucking idiot. What I'm trying to say is that she died too. Do I regret what I did? Fuck no, dude, you would have done the same if she looked at you the way she looked at me. Anyways, I'm 18 and I live on Magrathea. I used to ride dolphins, but not anymore. I like Harry Potter and Sword of Truth.

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